be quiet now
while she infects your brain with bad ideas and self-hate
stay still through the berating and cursing and yelling and blame
go about, oh so softly, your life…trying to make up for all the stuff you didn’t really do wrong, working diligently to carve out her approval
noiselessly imagine not doing this, breaking free, finding the space to breathe, a “love” that doesn’t sear
kiss me or kick me
that’s what all these things are
she infects your perspective till you’re not worthy and everything is something to fear
little minds and little hearts absorb it all without blinking, yes mom, ok
but you’ll fake the impossible everyday till
snap
the lightning and a thunder cloud of truth and you will stand, finally, feeling the hail, and know this pain she heaps upon you has no cure. there are not enough flowers or calls or drives or dinners or rescues. she’s was this was before you found her. you lost the war before you knew a battle had started
snap
as if recalling a treasure map, you realize your way out, your way to freedom. the recoil will hurt but your mind will clear, the fog will lift, love will happen